5 Steps to Forgiveness

Ever had that feeling that something someone did to you was so heinous that it keeps gnawing away at you? You can’t just let it go? Perhaps you’d like to, but the action was so grievous that you want JUSTICE! Or at least your pound of flesh.

There’s a problem though. If you keep thinking like this, you’re not progressing with your life. You’re stuck looking in the rear view mirror rehashing everything that happened back then. Meantime, the person who hurt you carries on oblivious to your pain and moves on with their life.

So, how do you fix this dilemma? Do you find a way to make the assailant suffer like you did? That won’t be easy or even possible. That’s vindictive and comes with all sorts of problems that make your life even messier. 

You clearly don’t want to just ignore it, for you probably won’t be very successful. You’ll just wind up suppressing the issue into your subconscious where it will fester and need to be dealt with later…when it will be more difficult.

Forgiveness in the Bible makes it feel hard to forgive others, like it’s somehow super holy or pious, which most normal people in reality have difficulty acting upon. It’s often equated with Jesus or God or some standard that we can’t really hold ourselves to (though it would be wonderful to try).

Perhaps let’s just start with the meaning of forgiveness. It’s actually a gift you give to yourself, as well as others, because it’s like a release. It doesn’t excuse the crime or action. Forgiving the action just removes the baggage you’re carrying around about the issue that blocks your joy.

Forgiveness is important because it softens and renews your spirit. It’s like watering parched earth or dry soil. Learn to forget the hurt, let go, move beyond the past so you can live in the NOW.

“Well, this is all fine and dandy, Chris, but I’m just a regular person. How can I possibly do all that?! You can’t begin to imagine what that person DID to me!”

Here are the five steps anyone can take to practice forgiveness, regardless of where you are in your life.

5 Steps to Forgiveness

1. Acknowledge Your Own Feelings. Like the different stages of grief, one of the first things you must do is take note of how you feel and be honest with yourself. Allow the pain or hurt feelings to rise to the surface so you can finally deal with them. They can’t be healed if they’re hidden.
2. Connect With Spirit and Ask For Help. Forgiveness is a big task and you could probably use some help. Invite your spirit guides, helpers, the Universe, or whatever you believe in to help you. Remember how much your guides care about you. With their love in your mind, you can begin to heal.
3. Communicate With the Person. Often, when we just discuss an issue with someone, we find that the action may have been an oversight, mistake or something they never realized would hurt you. It may have just been a complete misstep. This may not always be the case, and sometimes you may need to put distance between yourself and the other person who caused you harm.
4. Set Up New Boundaries. All relationships need boundaries, and this certainly emphasizes how important communication is. The boundaries can often unhook you from the hurtful person and give you that feeling that you’re less prone to being hurt again. Give yourself some safe space, just for you.
5. Release Your Pain to the Universe. Imagine taking all your pain and placing it in a bubble. Now imagine that bubble begins to float up higher and higher into the sky. Soon it’s out of sight and gone. You no longer carry feelings of hurt inside because they have been taken away by the bubble. You’re left with nothing but peace, tranquility and the joy of the NOW.

Now that you’ve released the pain through forgiveness, don’t you feel so much lighter? You’re no longer carrying around that extra baggage that was weighing you down. You’re no longer living your life in the past and ruminating on things that you can’t change. They already happened. You can’t change things that happened in the past, unless you’ve got a time machine (if you’ve got one please let me know; I’ve got some places I’d love to visit).

Forgiveness isn’t easy, I grant you that. But you must begin somewhere, so start now. Just try. It’s called a forgiveness practice for a reason. Whether you forgive yourself or another person, start with tiny hurts and very slowly work your way up to bigger issues when you’re more confident. Baby steps. When you get the hang of it, it’s kind of like riding a bike. You’ll never forget. You may slip occasionally, but that’s OK. Everybody makes mistakes. Just keep practicing forgiveness and you’ll feel so much lighter.

Sending you Love and Light, 

Chris

P.S. If you think your friends would benefit from this article, please share it with them.

Tags: Forgiveness, understanding, self-awareness, acceptance, non-judgment, sin, trespass, prayers, god, compassion, loving kindness, golden-rule, spirit, spirit guides, spiritual growth, enlightenment, living spiritually