How many times in your life have you looked back on a situation and thought to yourself “Oh, if I’d only….” It’s the classic “coulda, should, woulda” syndrome. Sometimes you have the opportunity to go back and solve the mistake or say what should have been said. But there are a lot of times when the most important things that should have been said never are.
Maybe it’s a simple “I love you” or “I’m sorry I did X”. You’d think it would be so easy to just go back to the person and utter those few yet meaningful words. But why don’t we? And more importantly, what happens when we don’t?
I’ve had the opportunity of doing thousands of evidential mediumship readings and so often some of the most common messages that come through from loved ones in spirit revolve around things left unsaid or undone. Most frequently these include expressions of love or apology.
I recall a powerful reading I did for a woman that fit both of these. She was clearly grieving but I could tell there were other emotions floating in the air that night. We exchanged pleasantries, and soon I began to discuss the format of the reading. I told her not to give me any information except a yes, no or maybe in response to the information I received and passed on to her.
Quickly I felt the presence of a man come through who was powerful, domineering and a bit older than the sitter. He felt like he was the head of something or was responsible for others in some capacity, yet remained aloof to them while there. He also felt like he oversaw people, the way a parent might oversee the family. He conveyed authority, strict rules, and displeasure with any violation of those rules. In short he didn’t feel like the warmest man I'd ever met.
The man added lots of other details, including additional aspects of his personality, character traits and shared memories. The woman said she recognized all the information the man was giving. It soon became clear this man was the sitter’s father.
He kept giving more evidence about himself, how he acted, his preferences and unique quirks. About 30 minutes into the reading the sitter had become more emotional as her father kept reminding her of his lack of emotion. This seemed to be one of his core traits that kept emerging.
His expression looked like he was wearing a poker face so you couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He gave me the feeling that he was raised in an era when men were expected to keep their emotions to themselves and just remain the pillar of stability-regardless of the cost. I felt like I’d stepped into the shoes of a man who was trying to fit into the pattern of what was expected of him when he was younger. He also made me feel that he was afraid of allowing himself to be so vulnerable that he couldn’t easily express his emotions.
Finally near the end of the reading the man’s expression and energy changed rather dramatically. Instead of the cold expressionless man he was reminding us of in prior years, he switched to someone with a warm, caring heart, gentle eyes and a soft smile. You could feel his love and empathy just oozing from his being. I was admittedly shocked at his shift.
Before I felt it, I heard him say “I love you” followed quickly by “I’m so sorry.” His energy was so kind, so compassionate that I could tell this was genuine. I relayed his message, not yet comprehending what was happening. In the blink of an eye the woman who sat before me, crumpled into a ball of tears accompanied by an affirmative nod of verification. She clearly knew what her father was saying and why.
The man followed up by adding “I wish I had the courage to tell you earlier,” to which the sobbing woman just nodded, again in silent acknowledgement. He showed himself giving her a hug and then stepped back and away so that the contact was done.
After the contact, the woman revealed her father had been cold and aloof, refusing to display any emotions other than manly firmness and steadfastness, which left her feeling entirely alone and uncared for. He never said I love you and eventually became more distant to the point where he left the family altogether.
The woman was both devastated and furious at her father for leaving her. She was never able to forgive him. So both the lack of emotion and departure from the woman’s life were two emotionally crippling effects of her father’s actions. Yet when her father came through it was his transformative love that not only healed the physical loss, but also healed the woman’s childhood emotional scars. This reconciliation was beautiful.
Why do I bring up such an emotional reading between father and daughter? It’s because the father clearly regretted not saying what was on his heart or allowed himself to be vulnerable enough to express his emotions. If we remain unaware of our emotions or unable to express them, then we may find that our inaction hurts those we love and we may lose the opportunity to heal the damage.
Perhaps the most important thing we can do as human beings is learn from those who have gone before us. It may seem that our lifetime stretches on so long or that we’re not saying something to another person to protect them (or protect ourselves). But in truth our lives are short and holding back our feelings (no matter how scary or painful) robs us of a closeness that we all need.
So go out there, gather your courage and tell the most important people in your life that you love them and share your emotions. You might just be surprised at how well they receive your gesture and it may come back to you a thousand fold.
Love and Light,
Chris
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